a strange feeling

mode: listening to edcoustic and drinking neslo :]

salam alaik ppl

it is such a long time since i feel this calm feeling *smile*

a confession.

i will always forget what i do everyday in college when i am at home.i forget all of them.i will forget what i planned to do when i am at home.i will go back to the 'old me'.

anyone doesn't know this except for me myself.and i am not going to reveal what it is.

i have planned a lot so that i can change myself to be a better girl BUT i still hold myself back in those 'black hole'.

ahh..maybe others may think that i am a nice girl because of my quiet behaviours. urmm,sorry guys but i don't think i am that 'baik' girl.

i want to change but sometimes i just don't have that strong strength to pull me away from the 'black' side.

i know this confession will make anyone who read this post have a big,bold,with black coloured question mark.but pliss don't ask further,let me myself understand this situation.i just don't know where i should write.i don't like diary too much although i do write them couple years back.

********************

okay.

a few hours back, i heard my sister talked in phone with her friend.then,she told her daughter that a child in the ward where she worked now was died today. 

suddenly,something was like came into my heart "..Ya Allah,is it so easy for human to live and then die when the time comes?.."

then i felt that i have done many things that if i died tomorrow or now i will not get any chance to feel or even smell the beauty of heaven.

i want to go there but i am so afraid.

i hope i still have the chance to correct myself.

pliss give me some strength ya Allah :)